Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Your eyes resemble a kaleidoscope
But I suffer from being color blind
It’s unfathomable how you could cope

The ending was a rapid, rising slope
Leveling out, and suddenly declined
Your eyes resemble a kaleidoscope

You ascend it like a splintering rope
Limp hands are raw and bloody from the grind
To begin your descent to losing hope

Your eyes resemble a kaleidoscope
But my thoughts are not evenly aligned,
At the moment, I'm just an isotope

I hope that you know, this isn't me, nope,
The roots of my thoughts became intertwined
When windows clear, roots will elope, I hope

It’s unfathomable how you could cope
I promise you should never feel confined
Selfishness is not pure, unlike the pope,
A black hand shielding my kaleidoscope

8 comments:

  1. Michelle,

    You've taken on quite a rhyme scheme here. I like the line that ends with "nope" because it sounds so colloquial. Some of the rhymes feel a bit forced right now, and I'd also suggest using some punctuation to give your reader a sense/understanding of how to read your poem.

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  2. IT IS FORCED go to rhymezone.com and look up how many words have an "ope" ending. Not as many as you'd think =[

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  3. I absolutely love the last line where someone puts their hand over the kaleidoscope. It makes me think as if it were a fairy tale. I would suggest breaking up the last stanza a little bit, but otherwise, amazing job.

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  4. good job. i like the line "your eyes resemble a kaleidoscop" it is very significant. i really like the concept of the poem keep it up

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  5. Great job on your poem. My favorite line is your eyes resemble a kaleidoscop. This is because it gives the reader a great non-clishe idea. At points I lose the theme of your poem. I think that is because you choose such a hard ending to ryhme with. Otherwise good job :)

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  6. i really like the ending it has great imagery and really shows the feeling behind the poem, i feel like the pope line is a bit forced but as u said above it is forced

    but overall great poem

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  7. your poem is equally horrible lol just kidding rite :) yeah i definatle like the poem, and the idea of the kalidoscope is very col and very visual..but i agree, with imondi that the rhyms feel forced...like "isotope" What?? what does that even mean? lol yeah i would work on some of the rhyms but otherwise good job

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  8. lmao what does that even mean

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